Monday, October 27, 2008

You've got the right stuff... Baby!

So, the other night as I was doing what most 25 year old men do on a Saturday night... sitting in a recliner watching NCAA football and surfing the World Wide Web. I happened to come across a new website that I very much enjoy, No joke, that is the name of the website. It is quite hilarious. If I were to make a page called "" it would probably be seen as racist. However, when you poke fun at your own race it is okay I guess. Well anyway, for the most part the site contains an ever growing list of the things that white people like. For the most part I agree with most of them, but there are those things on the list that do not tickle my fancy. I will give you my top three.

Now, for the top three.
3) Knowing what is best for poor people.
While it is only 67 on the list, I feel that it comes in third on my favorites list. I know the two of you are thinking, oh come on Todd, I never think that way. Oh yeah? Is that so? When was the last time that you didn't give that homeless guy money because you thought he was going to buy booze with it. Come on, the guy probably has nothing more to live for than the bottle of Hawkeye vodka he is gonna down anyway. I know I wouldn't give him anything but a sandwich and a carton of orange juice.

2) Girls with Bangs.
Oh yes, they will steal your heart! Then run you over with a large metaphorical truck, leaving you emotionally mamed. But the site says it like this, all you have to do is look at a girls haircut to see if she is liked or just merely tolerated. A girl with bangs will undoubtedly fall into the first of the two. They go on to say that the said bangs are the signaling of the coming of age from a nerdy girl, to a cool woman. I personally like girls with bangs, even if they do tend to rip your heart out then play with it. But, I am not bitter!

1) Dogs.
I couldn't believe that they were only the 53rd subject on the list. I don't know if I can think of one white person that doesn't own at least one dog. Well, maybe I can, but they are completely unAmerican! Some very good points were made concerning white people and their dogs, most of which I would say were justified. For instance, most newlyweds tend to buy a dog before having children as practice. However, it is said that they will always love their dogs more. This is due to the fact that dogs will love anyone who will feed them. Children hate their parents when they get to be teens.

I am going to close with this, I think that each of you should check out this site. It is pure hilarium! There are things on there that will drive you mad (Barack Obama is #8). All in all, it is definately worth your time.

Incase I don't see...
Good morning, Good afternoon, and good night

The Todd

Friday, October 17, 2008

Hell hath no fury like a lover scorned!

I must say that I am sorry to the two of you who coexist in my world of blogging as it has been some time since I last graced these pages with my obscure points of thought. This being said I am glad it is such a small world, that I can such things that will follow without worry. This will be somewhat of an episodic blog as I will start my story from yesterday afternoon then work even farther back in time, through right now, so as to fill you in on my current position. All set? Great!

By pure happenchance I met up with EmeliaRo yesterday in the parking lot of the school. She was all like "Dude, why haven't you been blogging? I miss your awesome witicisms!" After a brief explanation of my current life happenings and my present melancholy I said that I would happily blog about my somber state and the leading to it. I will now take you back one week, and lead you through my life for the past seven days. *Some characters names have been changed for their protection. Any resemblence of these said characters to actual people that we know and may or maynot go to church with is pure coincidence.

Once upon a time, in the not so distant past there was a handsome prince. His name was Prince Hott Todd, he was a rugged man. Some say that he was all that is man, even with some of his feminine tendencies. He was talking to his beloved friend and pastor Chaz. You see Pastor Chaz has been trying for sometime to get Prince Hott Todd to turn on the metaphorical crockpot with a certain "Blonde Bombshell." As the said conversation grew, Pastor Chaz's lady-in-waiting Ki Ki, added the much need womanly side to the conversation. They told Prince Hott Todd that he must go to the far off land of "Morethanfriendsia" and turn on the crockpot to Bombshell's heart.

With uncontained zeal the Prince set out, determined to turn that power on! Along the way he found the maiden at a local house of worship. Maiden Bombshell said to our MANLY PRINCE "Hey, there good lookin'. The king and queen of my homestead have given me an all expenses free pass to the local Texas Roadhouse. You wanna join?" At this very moment our MACHO PRINCE exclaimed, "sure, that would be cool." He was playing it safe, afraid that she would see right through his RUGGED EXTERIOR. The Prince knew that this would be the perfect opportunity to carefully turn that cold plastic knob onto simmer. Unfortunately, when the opportunity arose, our COURAGEOUS PRINCE, was taken by surprise and left to his own pity and feeling the awkwardness of a puberescent boy.

For the next several days the BRAWNY PRINCE battled an internally against himself and that surpisingly strong puberescent boy inside of him. Should he really tell Maiden Bombshell that he was tired of hiding his ooey- gooey feelings and wanted to take her to Morethanfriendsia. The battle raged inside of him for days, but at longlast with one final blow he cut the head off of the Metaphorical adolescent. He was going to tell the Maiden!!!

Our DASHING PRINCE told the fair maiden that he requested her presence after the midweek services at the local house of worship. With his insides feeling more like a molded jello dessert, than the iron plated man he was himself he simply spilled his unrelenting "like" for Maiden Bombshell. As our DARING PRINCE did, he felt as though he had been surpised attacked. Led right up to the gates of "Morethanfriendsia" and then ambushed by the resurrected puberescent boy who repeatedly kicked him in his manhood. Maiden Bombshell never took her eyes off of the ground, not wanting the miss the rocks she was kicking. Few words came flowing out of the beautiful maidens mouth, except those that echo with our heartbroken prince today, they are as follows... "Todd..." "I have thought about it, yes." and finally the dagger that finally sawed right through the broken princes manjunk "You know that Ryan and I are practically dating right?" How could our RANDY PRINCE forget the putrid rockbeast that had long been after the maidens heart as well.

Like a whipped puppy our defeated prince drove his white stallion back to his castle to get on his magical box of technology that allowed him to quietly stalk his friends and strangers through his most choice social networking site. Only to once again have that little bastard, the puberescent boy jump of through the screen to kick him in the business once again in the form of "Blonde Bombshell is now in a relationship with 'the putrid rockbeast'"

The End

That is really where I am at this point in time, I am kind of at a loss. I am seeing myself becoming extremely cynical in the last couple of days. But what is a "handsome prince" to do. The floor is now open to any questions that my two followers have.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Rock, Paper, Scissors... Throw!

Last night I was all cuddled up in my Kozysac (like a Lovesac, but better. that is another debate for another day). I was surfing the channels like a true champion when something caught me completely off guard. The 2008 Rock, Paper, Scissors Championship. I couldn't help but be caught in its complete absurdity! First off, they interview the contestants like it is an actual athletic event. These people couldn't be any farther from athletes. Look at the rolly-poly girl in the video. They gave their training strategies (the girl trained with her horse, who only threw rock... well, duh!) Secondly, they try to psych out their opponent. Cool, it is a mental game too, but when you say you do it by using your left hand; come on! You are completely degrading your opponent, so much for sportsmanship. Also, they will try to stare through their opponent to see if they are telegraphing their moves. But here is the kicker, there is actually a $50,000 prize. They actually get a prize for a pure chance game. They might as well have a National Heads-or-Tails Championship. With all this said, I feel as though I would have a pretty good chance at winning the 2009 Championship, sign me up!