Friday, October 17, 2008

Hell hath no fury like a lover scorned!

I must say that I am sorry to the two of you who coexist in my world of blogging as it has been some time since I last graced these pages with my obscure points of thought. This being said I am glad it is such a small world, that I can such things that will follow without worry. This will be somewhat of an episodic blog as I will start my story from yesterday afternoon then work even farther back in time, through right now, so as to fill you in on my current position. All set? Great!

By pure happenchance I met up with EmeliaRo yesterday in the parking lot of the school. She was all like "Dude, why haven't you been blogging? I miss your awesome witicisms!" After a brief explanation of my current life happenings and my present melancholy I said that I would happily blog about my somber state and the leading to it. I will now take you back one week, and lead you through my life for the past seven days. *Some characters names have been changed for their protection. Any resemblence of these said characters to actual people that we know and may or maynot go to church with is pure coincidence.

Once upon a time, in the not so distant past there was a handsome prince. His name was Prince Hott Todd, he was a rugged man. Some say that he was all that is man, even with some of his feminine tendencies. He was talking to his beloved friend and pastor Chaz. You see Pastor Chaz has been trying for sometime to get Prince Hott Todd to turn on the metaphorical crockpot with a certain "Blonde Bombshell." As the said conversation grew, Pastor Chaz's lady-in-waiting Ki Ki, added the much need womanly side to the conversation. They told Prince Hott Todd that he must go to the far off land of "Morethanfriendsia" and turn on the crockpot to Bombshell's heart.

With uncontained zeal the Prince set out, determined to turn that power on! Along the way he found the maiden at a local house of worship. Maiden Bombshell said to our MANLY PRINCE "Hey, there good lookin'. The king and queen of my homestead have given me an all expenses free pass to the local Texas Roadhouse. You wanna join?" At this very moment our MACHO PRINCE exclaimed, "sure, that would be cool." He was playing it safe, afraid that she would see right through his RUGGED EXTERIOR. The Prince knew that this would be the perfect opportunity to carefully turn that cold plastic knob onto simmer. Unfortunately, when the opportunity arose, our COURAGEOUS PRINCE, was taken by surprise and left to his own pity and feeling the awkwardness of a puberescent boy.

For the next several days the BRAWNY PRINCE battled an internally against himself and that surpisingly strong puberescent boy inside of him. Should he really tell Maiden Bombshell that he was tired of hiding his ooey- gooey feelings and wanted to take her to Morethanfriendsia. The battle raged inside of him for days, but at longlast with one final blow he cut the head off of the Metaphorical adolescent. He was going to tell the Maiden!!!

Our DASHING PRINCE told the fair maiden that he requested her presence after the midweek services at the local house of worship. With his insides feeling more like a molded jello dessert, than the iron plated man he was himself he simply spilled his unrelenting "like" for Maiden Bombshell. As our DARING PRINCE did, he felt as though he had been surpised attacked. Led right up to the gates of "Morethanfriendsia" and then ambushed by the resurrected puberescent boy who repeatedly kicked him in his manhood. Maiden Bombshell never took her eyes off of the ground, not wanting the miss the rocks she was kicking. Few words came flowing out of the beautiful maidens mouth, except those that echo with our heartbroken prince today, they are as follows... "Todd..." "I have thought about it, yes." and finally the dagger that finally sawed right through the broken princes manjunk "You know that Ryan and I are practically dating right?" How could our RANDY PRINCE forget the putrid rockbeast that had long been after the maidens heart as well.

Like a whipped puppy our defeated prince drove his white stallion back to his castle to get on his magical box of technology that allowed him to quietly stalk his friends and strangers through his most choice social networking site. Only to once again have that little bastard, the puberescent boy jump of through the screen to kick him in the business once again in the form of "Blonde Bombshell is now in a relationship with 'the putrid rockbeast'"

The End

That is really where I am at this point in time, I am kind of at a loss. I am seeing myself becoming extremely cynical in the last couple of days. But what is a "handsome prince" to do. The floor is now open to any questions that my two followers have.

1 comment:

EmeliaRo said...

Oh my... I am so sad for you Prince Hott Todd... perhaps "Maiden Bombshell" will see the putridness of current prince-boy, and come to realize that what she really needs is what she is currently missing from your majesty??? I don't know if my opinion really matters or not in this instance, but I think I can surmise pretty well just who we're talking about here, and I think it would be absolutely amazing. Perhaps a little time is in order??? I mean, she did say that she had thought about it, it's not like you totally caught her off guard and repulsed her beyond reproach! I'd just say, don't let yourself get bitter - you'll be kicking yourself in the manjunk on a continual basis. ouch. Perhaps an apology from me on behalf of womankind is in order??? :)